Letter # 55: “Family Dynamics”
In my work, I have found that many emotional problems of the person who’s seeking help are rooted in family dynamics. I will often suggest a family meeting, which, if the family members accept the invitation, is usually helpful. Talking to each other in a respectful manner, in a neutral and structured environment is often fruitful. But if I make no effort to encourage such a meeting, or if efforts fail, family problems remain unresolved or might even escalate.
In my view, family dynamics even underlie many of the world’s current problems. Let me take the case of political tension between Jews and Muslims in the middle-east. While oil might be the obvious current reason for that struggle, in my opinion, the issues predate oil; they go back to Abraham. Frank S Mead writes about Abraham: “With him religion advances; human sacrifice was disapproved, and monotheism begun. The followers of three great religions call him Progenitor: Christians, Jews, Mohammedans.”
The story of Abraham, according to the Old Testament, is that in his old age, he was increasingly concerned that he had no son to carry on the family line. He and his wife, Sarah, then decide that Abraham would have a son through Hagar, their Egyptian maid. When Hagar falls pregnant, Sarah becomes intensely jealous. She torments Hagar so much that Hagar flees "into the wilderness" where “an angel of the Lord” stops her flight, and sends her back. When Ishmael is born the relationship between the two women changes; Hagar becomes proud, and Sarah dejected. Fate now has it that Sarah becomes pregnant. Sarah laughs! She has a son and calls him Isaac, the name meaning “laughter”. Isaac is dreamy, philosophical and romantic. He hates war and loves peace. Isaac doesn't have the energy or strength of his father, whereas Ishmael, the firstborn, is “the heir of a great house and rich", is "untameable” and is “quick as a hawk”. Ishmael mocks his younger half-brother, Isaac and makes life miserable for him. Ishmael is dutiful to his father yet bitter about how his mother, Hagar, was treated. Ishmael’s sons go on to become archers, and fearsome fighters. Isaac's son, Jacob, tricks Isaac, and Isaac accepts it as the “will of God”. Jacob wrestles with his dark side. When Jacob eventually sees the light, God gives him a new name - Israel. His descendents are the Israelites. Ishmael's descendents are the Ishmaelites of the Bible, but are now called the Bedouins or Arabs.
So here are the ancient, unresolved family dynamics of the modern tension. While the scriptures show that the roots of hurt go deep, the scriptures also reveal the key to the healing of that hurt. The Holy Koran states: “… whosoever remains patient and forgives, verily it an act of great resolution.” 42:43 Genesis states: “This is what you are to say to Joseph: ‘I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly. Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.’ When their message came to him, Joseph wept.” 50:17.
So where do we go from here? Discussion is the key; verbal action is better than physical. On a more personal level, try the exercise in Letter #26.
God Bless; Allah Hu Akbar; Hare Krishna; Radha-Swami; and Nanak Naam Chardi Kala Tere Bhane Sarbat Dha Bhalla.
I wish to express my gratitude for your comments, which inspire me to carry on writing. Please forgive my fallibilities in presenting this material. Also, feel free to send this message on to someone that you might think would like to receive it. If you do send it on, my only request of you is that you send it as it is, in its entirety, and to not alter or modify any of the text, references or authorship information. Thus you will help to give credit or liability to where they are properly due.
Jas Bhopal
Copyright© 2008"
Practicing goodwill makes for a good life."
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References: "The Holy Bible" Online version; "The Koran" (As translated by SV Mir Ahmed Ali 2005 ISBN 0-9761870-0-0); "The Bhagavad Gita As it Is" by Srila Prabhupada (ISBN 0-89213-268-X); "I Am That" Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj ISBN 0-89386-022-0; The Dhammapada ISBN-10:1-84483-344-5; The Sacred Sukhmani ISBN 81-7205-098-4; Wikipedia.






























