Letter # 71 "Marriage"

Recently, a reader asked me, “Is marriage a must for every human being living in this world; I mean outside of monasteries. If yes, why is it important to marry and if no, why do so many people marry?
People marry for many reasons: legal, social, economic, procreation, sex, love, or to obtain citizenship in a country.
In my work as a psychiatrist, I see that almost everyone has some issues with their romantic or marital partners. The Census Bureau's "50%" rate of divorce has now been revised downward to just over 40%. Despite the high divorce rate, people continue to seek marital partners. The success of Internet dating sites proves it.
While our own and some animal species, especially swans, form social pair bonds, such monogamous pairs are not always sexually exclusive. Our attitudes and values are always in flux. Our societies and cultures have entertained different ideas on polygamy, and same sex marriages. We are an odd species; we have even married outside of our species, to horse, dog, goat, dolphin, and snake!
In the religious texts, Genesis 2:18 states: “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Later, Noah took male and female of each animal on to his ark. Jesus’ bride was the church, although some would say he married Mary Magdalene.
In the Vedic texts, each spiritual force is accorded a gender, and each has its counterpart, for both parts are essential. For example, Krishna’s (The Supreme Spirit) consort is Radha (material nature); hence, the spiritual greeting or meditation "Radha-Swami". This is a marriage of the spiritual and the material.
Brahma’s (the Personality in charge of material creation) consort is Sarasvati (Knowledge). As creation needs know-how, this is a marriage of creation and knowledge.
Vishnu’s (the Maintainer) consort is Lakhsmi (Wealth); as maintainance needs wealth or resources, this is a marriage of maintenance and wealth.
Siva’s (the Destroyer) consort is Durga (Destruction); this is a marriage of destructive plans with destructive energy.
Likewise, but on a less grand scale, humans have male and female pairings. In the initial and end stages of a male’s life, pairing is unnecessary, and even a hindrance. In the early stages, a male is still schooling, (the brahmacarya stage) and needs energy for that. In the latter stages a male is retiring and is devoting energy to the spiritual aspects of life by vanprastha, or sannyasa (which are retreat to the forest and complete renunciation, respectively). In the middle years is grasthi Yoga, which is connection to the supreme via family life. Females, generally, do not take to vanprastha or sannyasa. Instead, they become matriarchs.
With respect to the purpose of marriage, Srila Prabhupada wrote: “Marriage is considered as a yajna [“a spiritual exercise or sacrifice”]. Marriage [or Vivaha-yajna, lit: marriage sacrifice], is meant to regulate the human mind so that it may become peaceful for spiritual advancement.” BG P707.
The Vedic wisdom stipulates that the ultimate marriage is the spiritual one, where man is the Bride and God is the Groom. This teaching is emphasized in the Guru Granth Sahib: “The Lord God, my Lord and Master, blends with His bride, and her heart blossoms forth in the Naam.” The Lavan Hymn by Guru Ram Das, Suhi, pg. 773-774.
For any marriage or relationship to work, we must learn to communicate well, and to nurture patience.
Dave Meurer, who wrote the book “Daze of Our Wives: A Semi-Helpful Guide to Marital Bliss”, says it well: “A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

God Bless; Allah Hu Akbar; May The Forces Of The Universe Bring You Harmony; Hare Krishna; Radha-Swami; and Nanak Naam Chardi Kala Tere Bhane Sarbat Dha Bhalla.
I wish to express my gratitude for your comments, which inspire me to carry on writing. Please forgive my fallibilities in presenting this material. Also, feel free to send this message on to someone that you might think would like to receive it. If you do send it on, my only request of you is that you send it as it is, in its entirety, and to not alter or modify any of the text, references or authorship information. Thus you will help to give credit or liability to where they are properly due.
Jas Bhopal
Copyright© 2008
References: "The Holy Bible" Online version; "The Koran" as translated by SV Mir Ahmed Ali 2005 ISBN 0-9761870-0-0); "The Bhagavad Gita As it Is" as translated by Srila Prabhupada ISBN 0-89213-268-X; The Srimad Bhagavatum as translated by Srila Prabhupada ISBN0-89213-259-0; "I Am That. Talks With Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj” ISBN 0-89386-022-0; The Dhammapada ISBN-10:1-84483-344-5; The Sacred Sukhmani ISBN 81-7205-098-4; Wikipedia.